He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize