I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
