So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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