I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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