Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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