Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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