At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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