Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
