Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
