okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
