the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
should my penis look like a turkey
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize