remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
