She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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