i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
