Someone shit on the floor
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
