Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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