Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think your dad took our porno
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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