My sheets look like a crime scene.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
