I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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