Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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