I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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