I don't usually arrange sex via text message
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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