I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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