my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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