wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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