The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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