Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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