she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
