hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
