Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
