that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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