her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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