I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
