i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Text me some of your sweat
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