kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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