$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
