fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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