Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the liver wants what the liver wants
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
