so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
