Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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