you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
