he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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