margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
