we have pet lesbian snakes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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