So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
