i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
