wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I pour the whiskey from now on
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize