When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
