i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
