Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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