listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
