I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
