Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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