I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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