Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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