its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize