Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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