Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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