I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
