they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
