Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
