She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
