You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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