I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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