Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
