guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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