He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
