I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
