I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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