I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
