Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
