his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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