I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
