i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
