I've blown a few things in my day
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
