see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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