the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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