Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
