You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
