Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
