I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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